Masturbation & Relationships

Lust: Pornography is such an important tool in exploring your sexuality and getting to know ourselves. What are our likes, dislikes, kinks . . . The more comfortable women are with that, the more confident we are in ourselves and our sexuality. When you assume sexuality is a natural fact of life, you can relax and explore more freely. Your tastes expand. The more expert you become, the more selective you can be as well. We should seek new types of porn and go beyond what we consider to be correct, acceptable, attractive. We will then see that these are just conventions sustained by mainstream porn.

Women submit some incredible fantasies to XConfessions every week, as fantasizing allows them a great margin in their imagination for doing what they would never do in real life. Women are generally more inclined to using their minds to get excited. They want to watch something that will fulfill their sophisticated, sometimes kinky needs.

St. James: It's important for everyone who is interested in watching adult films to have access to something that resonates with them. Being able to explore our sexuality and our fantasies in a variety of ways, especially through film, can be helpful in our own self discovery and sexual development. I learned so much about my own sexuality through adult films I watched, cringed at, masturbated to, loved, despised, feared.

Masturbating, or “wanking” as it is referred to in the U.K, doesn’t have to be something you give up when you are in a committed romantic relationship. It can be a great way to relax and give yourself pleasure, but can also be a turn-on for your partner.

Your sexual development is an important part of living a healthy lifestyle, yet it is still a taboo subject in today’s society. Because of this, sometimes being in a relationship with someone who masturbates can be upsetting for some people. It often makes them feel as if their partner is not sexually satisfied in the relationship. On the contrary, masturbating is an excellent way for someone to learn more about his or her body and what it responds to sexually. In fact, you may even find that both male and female masturbation can be beneficial. If you and/or your partner explored your own body in your single days, it can actually help to make both your sex life and your marriage much more satisfying.

Masturbating in a Relationship

There are a few cardinal rules you should follow when you bring masturbation into your relationship to make your desire for self-love a positive rather than a negative:

• First, talk about it. While you may at first feel uncomfortable discussing the subject with your significant other, you will probably find this is a better option than getting upset with your partner for masturbating. During the conversation, it is important for both of you to ask each other relevant questions. The more you talk about the subject, the less likely it is to become offensive throughout the course of your relationship. Sharing any fears, concerns, or reservations with each other can take the pressure off of the partner that does enjoy pleasuring him or herself.

• Talk about when you’ll masturbate, and if you want to do it together. Let each other know when you’d like to pleasure yourself and if you’d like them to join, so that they can choose whether or not to be present for it. While some couples have no problem masturbating together, others see it as a solo activity for when their lover is not present.

• Clean up after yourself. Don’t leave evidence of your solo sexual activity for your partner to stumble across if its going to make him or her uncomfortable. Sex toys should be stored out of sight when not in use and porn should be shut off when you are done if it would make your partner uncomfortable to see it.

Masturbation as Foreplay

When you and your partner agree to make pleasuring yourselves a couple’s activity, you may find that it makes an excellent form of foreplay. For most women, foreplay is a crucial aspect of connecting sexually. Watching your partner pleasure him or herself while you do the same can give both of you the confidence you need to make the most of your time in the bedroom. You’ll find that when you pleasure yourselves together you will have a rise in your heart rate and your blood will rush to your genitals; this goes a long way in making your sexual activity all that much more exciting. It will also cause a man to become erect and a woman to begin lubricating. When you finally join your bodies as one the sex is likely to be much more intense and pleasurable as a result.

Enhancing Your Relationship

In many ways, it can enhance your relationship when you take the time to learn what pleases you sexually and what doesn’t. It can also make it easier to communicate with your partner as you’ll be more in tune with your body. If you and your partner have different sexual appetites, pleasuring yourself can be a great way to remain satisfied without demanding more from your partner than they can give.

Stress Relief

Another reason for masturbating when in a relationship is it serves as an effective form of stress relief for many people, both men and women. Stress and sexual activity of any kind are closely associated when it comes to romantic relationships. One reason for this is that chronic stress experienced by you or your partner can damage your relationship. Chronic stress often has a debilitating effect on one’s sex drive.

This can be counteracted by engaging in sexual activity with your partner, as masturbation does not release oxytocin into your body, but making love to your partner does. Masturbating side by side can be a great way for both of you to rid yourselves of the stress that may be blocking your desire for sex.

In Long Distance Relationships

Since couples don’t always live in the same house, or even the same city or state, masturbation is often a tool used to satisfy those in a long distance relationship. If you and your partner are together romantically but not physically, masturbating can be the key to keeping the relationship healthy.

While your partner can’t watch you pleasure yourself over the phone or by email, one way you two can still share the intimacy is to each film yourselves masturbating separately and send the footage to each other. If you are self-conscious about filming yourself masturbating, film yourself doing it in the dark. Though your partner won’t be able to see what you are doing they will hear the aroused noises you make and can use their imagination to picture it.

Another option for sharing your masturbation with your long-distance significant other is to use a service such as Facetime or Skype, the latter of which allows you to make a video call to anywhere in the world. Watching each other masturbate can be a great way to keep the intimacy in your relationship no matter how far apart you are.

Sex Toys and Masturbation

When masturbating for each other, sex toys can be valuable tools to spice things up even more. With his and hers sex toys you can essentially masturbate together despite the distance between you. Her best bet is to purchase a dildo approximately the size of his penis, while he purchases a fleshlight/pocket pussy. Choosing the right type of dildo is the key to making the experience as close to reality as possible. All you have to do is tell each other what you are doing with your respective sex toys. Syncing up your masturbation can help you feel a connection that the distance makes impossible otherwise.

In The End…

There is a right and wrong way to masturbate when in a relationship. The specific circumstances of your relationship may cause you to approach the subject differently than other couples would. Every couple has different ideas about masturbation. Some swear by it while others see it as an undesirable act when in a relationship. As long as you and your partner understand and respect each other’s feelings on the subject, making it a part of your relationship should not cause tension, arguments, or self-doubt from either of you.