The Submissive Girlfriend

SUBMISSIVE səbˈmisiv/

adjective

ready to conform to the authority or will of others; meekly obedient or passive. synonyms:

compliant, yielding, acquiescent, unassertive, passive, obedient, biddable, dutiful, docile, pliant; Stepford; informal under someone's thumb"she's far from being a submissive woman.

RULE #1. KNOW YOUR LIKE'S & LEARN YOUR "NO'S"

To be sure, the slave serves; the Master receives. But that does not mean that the slave has no sense of self, or self-worth. Her needs are real, and she should leave a relationship where her needs are not met."The role of the submissive appears to be somewhat simpler, but in actuality, the sub plays a large role in shaping the D/s relationship. The sub's primary role is to follow her Dom's directions and to please the Dom.

Being submissive does not mean that the sub is a doormat for the Dom. The sub is the Dom's companion, his student, and his lover. As a companion, the sub is treated with respect and dignity, is allowed to voice opinions, and allowed to share in the Dom's activities. This is the area where the sub is the most equal with the Dom. As a student, the sub learns how to please the Dom, and when done, expects to be rewarded by the Dom.

Likewise, when not done or done incorrectly, the sub expects to be corrected and shown the right way to act. As a lover, the sub goes out of their way to please the Dom because they genuinely care for the well being of the Dom. The sub does this, not out of fear of pain or retribution, but because they want to give the Dom pleasure. The sub does not want the Dom to be disappointed with them. The sub takes pleasure from the fact that the Dom is pleased. RULE #2. EDUCATE YOURSELF

Pull up a chair and get cozy! You're going to spend quite a bit of time doing some research on this finely tuned topic. Experts say that the term 'BDSM' or Bondage, Dominance, Submission, Masochism originated in 1991 from the UseNet- the direct source has still been unidentified. There are many articles, blog posts, and websites strictly dedicated to these interpersonal relationships and sexual behaviors. There are even step-by-step guides that help men become more dominant to their partners.

If you are a male or female reading this post and you are interested in more information on Domination, Click Here or visit http://www.domcoaching.com for exceptional guidance and tips! Otherwise, I would strongly suggest Google being your best friend! Happy Hunting!

RULE #3. DETERMINE YOUR LEVEL OF SUBMISSION/DOMINATION

This point is where many D/s relationships fall to pieces. Over punishment for minor infractions, non-acknowledged good deeds, and ignoring blatant wrong action cause the affinity in the relationship to break down. The roles of both Dom and sub are fairly rigid; the duties of both well understood. When a Dom doesn't punish major infractions, or ignores correct action by his sub, the agreements made at the beginning of the relationship are broken. It is here that a Dom shows his true colors.

The Dom should be in control not only of his sub, but himself as well. At the beginning of a D/s relationship, the Dom and sub may agree on a long list of correct and incorrect actions, but if the Dom does not remember them, the sub is "getting over" on the Dom, and in the process, losing respect for the Dom's power. It would be better to have only a few rules at the

start, then as time progresses, expand them as the relationship grows. Overcorrecting is also poor. If the Dom is cruel or vicious, the sub will only do what is required out of fear of punishment. Over time, the sub will have no desire to please the Dom, and the Dom will suddenly realize they have no real control over the sub. Punishment is a tool to correct wrong or no action by the sub. It should never be done in anger!

This is a very important point. When you punish in anger, real injury can occur, safe words are nullified, and limits do not exist. This is a very dangerous situation. The Dom who punishes in anger is moving into the area of abuse. In D/s, the Dom cares about the feelings of the sub. It is very difficult to have empathy when you are angry. Pain is not the end all and be all of a D/s relationship. It is just one more tool at the disposal of the Dom to guarantee the rules are complied with.Punishment does not even have to include pain. Movement restrictive bondage, humiliation, harsh words, or even a look can punish the sub. Privileges can be removed such as not being allowed to sit on the furniture, or by the Dom forcing the sub to sleep at the foot of the bed.

There are many ways to punish incorrect actions. Save the severe stuff for major infractions. If you beat a dog every day, all you get is an angry, uncontrollable dog. The same goes for a sub, and an angry sub is much more hazardous than an angry dog. Punishment is always followed by reward when the sub corrects the infraction. The sub must be allowed to make up the damage, and then it is forgiven. Rewards show the sub that the Dom is pleased. It is a tangible show of love and caring from the Dom to the sub for a correct action. This is the true power of the Dom.

The reward can be a kiss, a caress, flowers, a short note, or even a long, tender session of lovemaking. Rewards given to the sub shows that the Dom is thinking of them, and cares for their well being. It acknowledges their proper behavior and reinforces it. This is how the Dom creates in the sub the willingness to please him. A happy sub will do anything to ensure the happiness of the Dom, and will avoid actions that disappoint. By now you should have some significant resources and information backing up your opinions and general thought process on submissive and dominant traits in the bedroom. If you are someone that doesn't have a high pain tolerance or just absolutely despises the fact that there must be some sort of punishment, guess again! almost 67% of sub/dom relationships don't even use a form of punishment between the sheets! I personally haven't had these traits happen in my current relationship and my significant other adores me, just be sure that you are attentive to your dominant partner and always be putting his needs before your very own- this will be the key to keeping your sexual relationship 'punishment free'.

RULE #4. KNOW OR DISTINGUISH LIMITATION

Now, in the case your dominant partner does use punishment as a form of discipline know your own limitations. Don't sit there and take unnecessary beatings, know your self worth and communicate. In the event that the punishment doesn't stop, even though you've asked your partner to stop- they are now far beyond your control in the realm of the real world, they are now trapped in the fantasy realm and not many can escape until their sexual behavior ends (meaning they cum).

The best thing you can absolutely do in a scenario similar to the one stated is let him finish. As soon as they are finished (they have came) put on your clothes and be sure to never speak with them again. It is so important that you distinguish your limitation, without it you will feel helpless in these types of situations- this is where you need to be stronger than your dominant partner, after all without the submissive there would be no dominant since you are the one who continues the acts of sexual behavior and attentiveness.

RULE #5. DISTINGUISH FANTASY FROM REALITY

Know what's real and what's not real. It is important that your partner know this and abide by these laws of physics as well. This general rule of thumb, is your number one priority right next to "putting safety first!" If your partner can't help but himself/herself and escape their fantasies then you may as well cut your losses- Dominant partners may become aggressive with you and the need for punishment may increase, leaving you ultimately feeling a sense of helplessness and wondering "what have I done wrong?". This is not the head-space you want to be put in. Sharing this information with your dominant partner before exploring sexual acts may be worth discussing due to safety factors.

RULE #6. CULTIVATE PATIENCE

Learn to be patient with each other. There are new submissive and dominant partnerships created every day- some may be in the trend permanently while others may just try it out every other day of the month- be open minded and get to know your sexual partner and how they learn may be different from the way that you learn. RULE #7. PUT SAFETY FIRST

Always explain why the discipline is occurring to the sub. Discipline must occur for a specific reason. To arbitrarily discipline a sub breaks down her trust in the Dominant. The punishment should fit the offense. Discipline should always be

followed with tenderness and love. The infraction has been dealt with, and is in the past.

As a Dominant, do not hold a grudge against the sub. Allow the submissive to be forgiven.There are a large number of techniques that Doms use. These vary from couple to couple. One technique that people use is to bind the sub's hands above their head, bind their feet together, and, with the flat of the hand, spank them from their shoulders to their ankles, front and back. This is a very effective way of getting their attention.

Reward is also very important. Correct actions must be rewarded by the Dom, otherwise the sub has no incentive to obey the Dom's instructions. You could give your slave a single flower, a note left on the computer, or a loving caress. The reward will depend on the sub and the action which pleases the Dom. Once in a while, a Dom will find a sub to whom a spanking is a reward. This is why the Dom must know the sub, totally. Every sub is different, just as every Dom is different.

RULE #5. CHOOSE YOUR DOMINANT PARTNER WISELY!

IF YOUR SINGLE: Not every attractive male will be into dominant and submissive traits, distinguishing these characteristics right off the bat is very important. Get to know your sexual partner, or what he/she likes in and out of the bedroom- this will help distinguish your partner in a nutshell. By all means, play your cards right, don't just jump right in front of a stranger and scream, "Let me be your slave!" this won't work out too great. A dominant partner will likely be very choosy when picking out their 'pet' or 'slave'. If you're already in a close intimate relationship with your significant other, then you've already completed half the battle! Finding your dominant partner is what sets the mood for submissive and dominant role plays in the bedroom. Get to know your dominant partner RULE #6. COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR PARTNER

This is the most important step when acting out submissive and dominant partnerships. It is a matter of life and death- 'so-to-say', Be open about your sexuality and what you are comfortable and not comfortable with.

This is true for newer couples as well! Educate yourselves on the traits of each role in the bedroom. Do you like this? Do you like that? Be open about sharing ideas and keeping up with the discipline side of the spectrum.

Be sure that your partner hears your and verbally acknowledges what you are saying- otherwise you'd be rambling on to someone that doesn't give a shit and ultimately you will find yourself in a heap of trouble when it's time to do the dirty!

RULE #. OBEY HIM, RESPECT HIM, PLEASE HIM, REPEAT.

As a submissive partner, this is your mantra and sexual belief each time you have intercourse. You must obey your dominant, respect your dominant and please him over and over again.

Now what good does this do? your wondering. As you please your dominant partner- you too will be please when it is your time, and when it is your time- there is nothing in the world quite like it!

RULE #. REWARD & PUNISHMENT

DOMINANTS RELATIONSHIP WITH SUBMISSIVE FALLS INTO PLACE. Over punishment for minor infractions, non-acknowledged good deeds, and ignoring blatant wrong action cause the affinity in the relationship to break down. The roles of both Dom and sub are fairly rigid; the duties of both well understood. When a Dom doesn't punish major infractions, or ignores correct action by his sub, the agreements made at the beginning of the relationship are broken. It is here that a Dom shows his true colors. The Dom should be in control not only of his sub, but himself as well.

At the beginning of a D/s relationship, the Dom and sub may agree on a long list of correct and incorrect actions, but if the Dom does not remember them, the sub is "getting over" on the Dom, and in the process, losing respect for the Dom's power. It would be better to have only a few rules at the start, then as time progresses, expand them as the relationship grows. Overcorrecting is also poor. If the Dom is cruel or vicious, the sub will only do what is required out of fear of punishment. Over time, the sub will have no desire to please the Dom, and the Dom will suddenly realize they have no real control over the sub. Punishment is a tool to correct wrong or no action by the sub. It should never be done in anger! This is a very important point. When you punish in anger, real injury can occur, safe words are nullified, and limits do not exist. This is a very dangerous situation. The Dom who punishes in anger is moving into the area of abuse. In D/s, the Dom cares about the feelings of the sub. It is very difficult to have empathy when you are angry. Pain is not the end all and be all of a D/s relationship. It is just one more tool at the disposal of the Dom to guarantee the rules are complied with.Punishment does not even have to include pain.

Movement restrictive bondage, humiliation, harsh words, or even a look can punish the sub. Privileges can be removed such as not being allowed to sit on the furniture, or by the Dom forcing the sub to sleep at the foot of the bed. There are many ways to punish incorrect actions. Save the severe stuff for major infractions. If you beat a dog every day, all you get is an angry, uncontrollable dog. The same goes for a sub, and an angry sub is much more hazardous than an angry dog.

Punishment is always followed by reward when the sub corrects the infraction. The sub must be allowed to make up the damage, and then it is forgiven. Rewards show the sub that the Dom is pleased. It is a tangible show of love and caring from the Dom to the sub for a correct action. This is the true power of the Dom.

The reward can be a kiss, a caress, flowers, a short note, or even a long, tender session of lovemaking. Rewards given to the sub shows that the Dom is thinking of them, and cares for their well being. It acknowledges their proper behavior and reinforces it. This is how the Dom creates in the sub the willingness to please him. A happy sub will do anything to ensure the happiness of the Dom, and will avoid actions that disappoint.

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